no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
