If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
