Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
