His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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