put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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