I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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