someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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