I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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