I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
