Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
