I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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