how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
