I just made out with a guy for $7.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
