im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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