you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
