my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
