Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
