I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
