oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
