Even the bartender felt bad for me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
