I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
