Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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