i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
