Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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