If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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