you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
