Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize