Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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