I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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