K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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