textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
