I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
send nudes
from the living room?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
