I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
