Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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