9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
