i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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