I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
