How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
