Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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