theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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