Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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