youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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