He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
