Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
