So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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