Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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