Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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