Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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