we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
