Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your shirt... Was in my pants
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
