dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
