i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
birth control should be required to get into college
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
