I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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