When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
