guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
