just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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