i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
