I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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