Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
