My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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