My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize