Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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